“And the two shall become one flesh; so, then they are no longer two, but one flesh.” — Mark 10:8

INTRODUCTION: GOD’S MATHEMATICS IS DIFFERENT

When it comes to relationships and marriage, the world teaches a formula that looks like this: ½ + ½ = 1. In other words, two incomplete people supposedly come together to make one complete unit. That may sound romantic, but it is not God’s pattern. God’s divine equation says: 1 + 1 = 1. Two whole individuals — spiritually, emotionally, and mentally healthy — come together in covenant and become one in purpose.

God didn’t create Eve to complete Adam; He created her to complement him. Adam was not a broken man needing Eve to fix him; he was already walking with God. This is the foundation for godly relationships and marriage. “Wholeness is not found in another person — it is discovered in your identity in Christ. Before you can truly join your life with another person, you must first become the person God designed you to be. Marriage is not the place to look for your missing pieces; it is the place to give and receive from your overflow.

WHY “BETTER HALF” IS NOT A BIBLICAL CONCEPT

The expression “better half” has become so common that even Christians use it without thinking. But when you check the Scriptures, you’ll find that God never used the language of halves. So don’t ever call your spouse a better half! The expression “better half” has become so common that even Christians use it without thinking. But when you check the Scriptures, you’ll find that God never used the language of halves.

In Genesis 2:18, “the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.” Adam was already whole. He was walking in purpose, tending the garden, naming the animals. Eve too was fully formed by God — not a broken rib, but a full woman. God then brought two complete individuals together to become one.

Why does this matter?

When you see your future spouse as your “better half,” you unknowingly create a sense of deficiency in yourself. You begin to believe you are incomplete until someone else shows up. This thinking creates unhealthy emotional dependency and makes you vulnerable to wrong relationships. When you think someone else is your missing piece, you give them power over your identity. Biblically, you are not a half-person waiting to be completed — you are a whole person made in the image of God. You are already valuable, already loved, already enough in Christ.

WHY SINGLES MUST NOT DEPEND ON OTHERS FOR COMPLETENESS

Many people enter relationships with the wrong mindset — believing another person will fix their loneliness, heal their pain, or give them meaning. This is why many marriages struggle. No human being can give what only God can supply. A spouse can complement your joy, but they cannot create your joy. A spouse can support your purpose, but they cannot give you purpose. A spouse can encourage you, but they cannot heal your soul.

When you depend on someone else to feel worthy or loved, it leads to disappointment and emotional instability. That person becomes an idol in your life — and idols always fail. “You are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power.” — Colossians 2:10. If you don’t know who you are in God, no spouse can give you lasting security.

If you don’t love yourself rightly, you’ll constantly look for someone else to prove your worth. “If you enter marriage broken, you won’t be made whole — your brokenness will only be magnified.” “If you enter marriage broken, you won’t be made whole — your brokenness will only be magnified.”  This is why God’s process often involves making you whole first before bringing the right person into your life. Wholeness is not about perfection; it’s about living from your God-given identity, healed and stable.

THE NEED TO DEAL WITH INSECURITY & LOW SELF-ESTEEM

Many single people struggle silently with insecurity and low self-worth. They measure themselves by who likes them, who marries first, or who affirms them. But insecurity is a dangerous seed to carry into marriage.

  • Insecurity makes people clingy, controlling, or fearful of losing someone.
  • Low self-esteem makes people settle for less than God’s best, or tolerate unhealthy patterns.
  • Emotional wounds from the past — rejection, abuse, abandonment — can silently shape how you love and trust.

“If you don’t heal your wounds before marriage, you’ll bleed on the person who didn’t cut you.” Before stepping into covenant with another person, you must let God deal with the matters of the heart. No wedding ring can heal an insecure heart. Only Christ can make you whole. When you know your worth in Christ, you stop begging for crumbs of attention. You stop comparing yourself with others. You stand strong in the truth of your identity. “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works.” — Ephesians 2:10. “Until you see your worth through God’s eyes, you’ll keep looking for it in people’s eyes.”

PRACTICAL STEPS TO PERSONAL WHOLENESS

Wholeness is a process. It’s a journey of aligning your life with God’s truth. Here are key steps every single person should intentionally walk through:

1. Believe What God Says About You

You must first agree with Heaven’s definition of you. You are loved, chosen, accepted, and complete in Christ. (Ephesians 1:4-6) Stop agreeing with the enemy’s lies that you’re not enough or that you need someone else to be valuable. Your worth is not tied to your relationship status — it is rooted in your identity as God’s beloved.  “No person can define you better than the One who created you.” “No person can define you better than the One who created you.”

2. Renew Your Mind

Your thought life determines how you live. Replace negative beliefs with God’s truth. When thoughts of inadequacy come, confront them with Scripture.

For example:

  • “I am not enough” ➝ “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14)
  • “I need someone to make me whole” ➝ “I am complete in Christ” (Colossians 2:10)

Transformation begins when your mind is renewed by the Word. “Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” — Romans 12:2

3. Develop a Strong Prayer and Word Life

True healing happens in the presence of God. A vibrant prayer life builds intimacy with God and strengthens your identity in Him. When you pray, you receive clarity, confidence, and spiritual authority. Reading the Word daily equips you with truth to counter the lies of the enemy. God’s Word is your foundation, not people’s opinions. “The Word of God does not tell you who you will become — it tells you who you already are in Christ.”

4. Destroy Satanic Influences and Limiting Beliefs

The devil works by planting lies — lies about your worth, your future, your desirability, your identity. If these lies are not confronted, they become strongholds. Through prayer, declaration of the Word, and sometimes deliverance, you must renounce every lie that says:

  • “You are not enough.”
  • “You will never be loved.”
  • “You are too broken.”
  • “Your past disqualifies you.”

Break ungodly soul ties. Stop comparing yourself with others. Remove voices that feed insecurity. “You cannot build a godly future on satanic lies. Truth must uproot deception.”

5.  Deal with Personal Baggage Before Marriage

Marriage is not a hospital. If you wait for marriage to fix your wounds, you will be disappointed. This is the season to heal, grow, mature, and let God work deeply in you.

  • Let go of bitterness and unforgiveness.
  • Address personal weaknesses honestly.
  • Cultivate emotional stability and spiritual maturity.

      •     Build healthy habits and self-discipline.

 “Two broken people make a broken marriage, but two whole people make a strong covenant.”

WHY DEALING WITH PERSONAL MATTERS IS NON-NEGOTIABLE

The issues you ignore now will not disappear in marriage; they will only become more visible. That’s why God often leads singles through a season of personal pruning and preparation. Don’t despise your single season — it is God’s training ground. This is the time to build a solid foundation, not to wait passively. Use this season to:

  • Know God intimately.
  • Discover your purpose.
  • Heal from past pain.
  • Build character and capacity.

“Wholeness attracts wholeness. Brokenness attracts chaos.”

A CALL TO WHOLENESS

My dear singles, the starting point for true wholeness is not self-help or motivational talk — it is a relationship with Jesus Christ. No relationship can fill the space only Jesus was meant to occupy. Many people are emotionally exhausted because they keep looking for love in the wrong places. But Jesus is saying to you: “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28.

Today, you can start your journey to true wholeness. If you would like to surrender your heart to Jesus or rededicate your life to Him, pray this simple prayer: “Lord Jesus, I come to You just as I am. I surrender my heart and my pain. I believe You died for me and rose again. Come into my life. Heal me. Make me whole. I receive Your love, forgiveness, and new beginning. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”

If you prayed that prayer, congratulations — you’ve taken the most important step. Wholeness begins here.

on a FINAL NOTE,

You are not a half waiting to be completed. You are a whole person, loved by God, chosen with purpose, complete in Christ.

Say this:

“I am whole in Christ. My worth is not defined by my status but by my identity in God. I will not settle for less. I am healed, loved, and empowered. I walk in wholeness.” “Marriage is not a hospital for broken hearts — it’s a covenant between two whole people who know their identity in God.” “Don’t wait for marriage to become whole. Become whole and attract wholeness.” I love you all…pls if this message touched and changed your life and how you now see yourself…or you just dedicated your life to Jesus… DM me I would love to read from you!

By Dr. Paul Ojomu