Youth & Singles

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My Uncle Had Sex With Me

myunclepostI was 14 years old when my uncle disvirgined me, right in my father’s house, under my parents’ nose. But because they (my parents) trusted him and it would be my word against his, I could not tell anyone; and, of course, he warned me that if I told anyone, he would deny it and deal with me.

I am a final year student in one of the federal universities. This incident happened when I was in Senior Secondary School (High School) year 2. I wasn’t really too mature for my age; I was on the small side, but I had developed a woman’s body.unclefinalback

My paternal uncle, my grandmother’s last born, then a youth corps member was posted to serve his fatherland where we were staying then, of course, it was natural for him to stay with us.

He was a good uncle and very friendly with us. I am the last of my parents’ three children. My elder ones (both boys) were away in school leaving our housemaid and me in the house.

Initially, my uncle was nice and he was just a normal uncle everyone would wish for.

After about a month or so that he came to stay with us, he started behaving funny towards me. He would touch my bum, and sometimes he would pretend it was a mistake, then, he would touch my breasts. Then, I really didn’t know how to place his behavior. In my mind, I would wonder if it was a mistake or he was doing it deliberately.

Because I couldn’t really say I was scared to discuss it with anybody, not even with our housemaid then because we were a little close. I made up my mind to avoid him.surrender

I guess I over did it because everybody noticed this. My parents mistook my attitude for pranks and they would scold me whenever he reported me.

On a day, I told my mother that I didn’t like how my uncle used to touch me. I didn’t know what really got into her, but she scolded me not to say such a thing again. She reminded me that the person I spoke about was my daddy’s younger brother. I had no choice, my situation then was between the devil and the deep blue sea.

My parents had to travel to daddy’s hometown for a burial. We were all supposed to go together, but since my uncle said he had something to do, my parents decided that our housemaid and I should stay back at home. I pleaded with them to take me, but I was not lucky. In fact, daddy would have conceded but my mom refused.

It happened the next day. I was sleeping in my room, in the evening which I shared with our housemaid, but it was later that I learned that my uncle had sent her on an errand that kept her away and gave him enough time to perpetrate his evil deed.

I felt a hand on my body. I opened my eyes and saw my uncle trying to force my jeans trousers off. I tried to scream, but he covered my mouth with his palm.

In short, my uncle raped me and deflowered me at 14. He asked me to clean up when he was done with me. He took my underwear and burnt it in my presence. He threatened to kill me if I ever told anyone.

He tried to rape me again several times after that first experience, but I always carried my elder brother’s Boys’ Scout pen knife about and I vowed that I would kill him if he ever got near me again.

I wasn’t too sure if it was my threat or the fact that he was having sex with our 16-year-old house maid that kept him away from me, because he had to leave our house when mummy discovered that our housemaid was pregnant, and she said my uncle was responsible for her pregnancy.

{Are you addicted to PORN? Click here… }

It was then that my mother raised her voice that I had reported him to her before. She stupidly thanked God that my uncle did not touch me.

How wrong? I did not correct her because it was rather too late.

How I wished she had listened to me then! I would have been saved from these private pains. How I wish, mothers, especially, should learn to listen to their children and not shut them down anytime they try to speak with them.

I thought I was the only one in the world, who suffered this type of fate, but I was wrong. We had just resumed into the university, guess you know all these admission stuff.

(Also read this later: How I Lost My Virginity)

My friend and I became close because we were the first ones to get into our room. Incidentally, we were admitted to study the same course, so from the very first day we became friends

Her parents were abroad, and her maternal uncle was her guardian. Every weekend he would come around to see her.

Sometimes he would take us out. I became apprehensive because I noticed he was too close to her for comfort, but I could not warn her. More so, I didn’t trust her enough to share my secret with her. And I also thought that, though naive after all, he was her maternal uncle not paternal, so he shouldn’t have such a thought on his mind.

One weekend, she went to stay at her uncle’s place I was supposed to have gone with her, but my eldest brother, who just came back from the US (United States), promised to see me that weekend. So, I stayed back in school.

Surprisingly, my friend came back on Saturday morning as against her planned Sunday evening.

I noticed that she had cried and her uncle was hovering around her like a “father hen”. I couldn’t wait for him to leave before asking what happened. Instead of saying something, she started crying again.

I asked if someone died and she said no. Our other roommates were around, so I couldn’t really press her. When they all left the room, I moved closer; she was sleeping in my bed. I asked her if she was all right, instead of talking, she began to cry again. I pleaded with her to tell me what happened, she then dropped a bomb- shell. “My uncle raped me”, at 18.

{Are you addicted to PORN? Click here… }

He deflowered her. Can you imagine that? A child entrusted to his care? My friend said she was going to kill herself. At this juncture, I told her what happened to me four years earlier.

jesuslovesu{Read to the end of the page for some new discoveries}

She was stunned. She stopped crying and said she now understood why I never joined them whenever they discussed the issue of virginity in our room. This issue created a deep bond between us.  Since then, we have been inseparable. We are like sisters. I have had cause to follow her on holidays to meet her parents in the UK. She is an only child and her parents took me as theirs and vice-versa.
{Are you addicted to PORN? Click here… }
I wrote these stories with her permission.

Are you in a similar situation?, are you abused by an uncle? or want to know how to deal with issues like this?  read this article to the end.

Continue reading…… but also check the following articles on this blog: Also Read the LIFE SCENARIOS (if it were you?) below.
How I Lost My Virginity

He took off my underwear
I kissed Jezebel
How to attract the right guy
What Is Really Wrong With Sex Before Marriage

Once upon a valentine
Cynthia must die but Mercy said No
Pornography: the way out!

My biggest question is, can we really stop sexual harassment from trusted relatives, friends and family members? I really do not think so. From everlasting to everlasting, men will always be men. I am of the opinion that, the responsibility of protecting female children rests more with  mothers.

As for me, no uncle or brother would ever come to live in my house. I also will prayerfully take care of my children, especially my daughter(s). It was not a good experience and I don’t wish any of my kids would go through the trauma and nightmare. It is not good. It is very shameful.

The irony about it is that, sometimes you blame yourself. What for? You would wish you had the power to have it otherwise.

(Check our “Best decision” Page to make the most important decision in your life. Click here.)

Read the reactions/Counsels from readers to the story above.

Yes, sexual harassment can be stopped and not only by mothers but by GODLY PRESENCE, both parent and a responsible government which must immediately pass into law bill to prosecute offenders even with maximum sentencing of life imprisonment. Parents must put aside family sentiments on sexual issues as it affects a girl/boy child development. My children (aged 11+, 9+ & 2+) were instructed by us (father & Mother) to quickly report any form of harassment (touching, spoken-actions, eyeing, mingling, etc with their private areas) from ANYBODY including either of us, their friends, teachers (at school/home), doctors, pastors, lecturers, extended family members (grandparents inclusive).By being very proactive, vigilant, friendly, tolerant and inquisitive about them daily is a must. A lot of sexual issues abounds now and children are no longer in the Stone Age. In 21st centuries, the way is to teach them means of rapid responses and be there to defend and support them at all times. I don’t do family/friends on my children issues. In these stories, blame the parents who are ”absentminded” and ”family bigots”. After my wife, next are my children and may be others. Thanks very much. – E. Adeniyi (Abu Dhabi, UAE),

Parents should develop a friendly relationship with their children and build confidence in them so as to allow them share every issue of concern with them. They should not assume everything is okay. Also, children should be well taught and groomed in the way of the Lord. – Taiwo Orolu,

I agree with the submission of these individuals, parents need to be very close to their children and youths that are victims should be bold enough to discourse with Parents/pastors/confidants that can be of help rather than groaning under the heavy burden of sorrow, regrets, and rejection.

Source: Tribune online.

LIFE SCENARIOS (if it were you?).

How will you handle a situation where:

  • Your dad wants to have sex with you, and you know it because he’s always trying to rub his hands on your breast and body while sleeping or making such moves.
  • Your own brother is trying to romance you and wouldn’t mind sleeping with you.
  • Your sister is trying to seduce you as a guy, or you just found out that your own sister is becoming sexually attracted to you.
  • Your sister’s husband is making sexual advancement to you.
  • Your brother’s wife is making sexual advancement to you as a guy.
  • Your cousin/niece wants to have sex with you or trying to woo you.
  • Your own sister/cousin is trying to practice lesbianism with you as a girl.
  • Your own brother /cousin or Dad wants to make you a gay partner as a guy.
  • Your dad/brother/relation wants you to sexually stimulate their private organs.

What will you do in the above scenarios and if you are already facing any of the above-mentioned issues or somehow related, can you share with us how you handled it and if you are facing difficulty handling the situation can you write to us, so we can give you direction.

GENERAL RULES FOR DEALING WITH INCEST (SEX AMONG RELATIONS)/ SEXUAL ABUSE.

  1. Report every act of sexual harassment to your parents/pastor/trusted guardian/counselor as the case may be. You can also get help from this website childhelp.org/pages/help-for-kids, or local authorities. If you have a friend who is being sexually abused you can help by telling your parents who will know how to provide necessary help.

The following rules can be of help to prevent sexual abuse by family members.

  1. Avoid wearing transparent clothes, even in the house.
  2. Avoid moving around the house in a towel.
  3. Never engage in watching pornography films or sexually explicit films, videos or literature whether alone or with your relation or friends.
  4. Grown up kids of opposite sex should not be allowed to sleep on the same bed.
  5. Parents should notice sudden changes of attitude in their children.
  6. Be careful about the kind of ‘play’ you have with your cousins /relations especially those of opposite sex, the moment you notice your cousin trying to touch your breast (private parts) or touch you sensually, rebuke  him/her immediately and report him/her  if he/she refuses to desist from the act.
  7. Never sleep naked with your door unlocked.
  8. Be conscious of not exposing your nude/ underwear either by careless sitting, sleeping or playing.
  9. Uphold high moral standards.
  10. Pray against it and also discuss with your pastor/counselor if you find out you are sexually getting attracted to your relations.
  11. If moving out of the house to a known safe place will save the situation, please do so (maybe leaving your uncle’s house to your parents). Even if it means you losing all the benefits of staying with him especially if he’s responsible for your care etc. don’t leave with a devil! He will ruin your life eventually, it’s better you suffer to survive than to leave with the sorrow and curses of sexual abuse for a lifetime.

WORDS FOR VICTIMS!

Have you been sexually abused by your Dad, Mum, Brother, Sister, Uncle, Cousin, In-law, etc. and you are leaving with the hurt and guilt feelings please feel free to discuss with us. You can tell us your stories rather than bottling it up, sharing the story is one way to get relieved.

Check our “Best decision” Page to make the most important decision in your life. Click here.
You can connect with me directly on Facebook  for a chat… https://www.facebook.com/ojomupaul

Jesus wants to have a relationship with you, Accept Him today as your Lord and Saviour.

You can say this simple prayer:

“Lord Jesus, I have seen myself as a sinner, I am sorry for all the things I have done wrong in my life (take a few moment to ask His forgiveness for anything particular that is on your conscience). Please forgive me and cleanse me with your blood.
Thank you that you died on the cross for me so that I could be forgiven and set free. I confess and accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. Let all the works of darkness be destroyed in my life.
Thank you Lord for accepting me as your child and for writing my name in the book of life. Thank you Lord Jesus, Thank you heavenly father, in Jesus name I pray (amen)

If you have prayed this prayer wholeheartedly, I want to happily welcome you to God’s sweet family. As you have received forgiveness, you must forgive all those that has despitefully used and hurt you. The bible says forgive and you shall be forgiven!

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” 2 Cor. 5:17 (KJV)

For further counseling and questions, feel free to send an email to paul@youthandsingles.com

or use the comment box below (your email will not be published)

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I’m your friend,
Paul Ojomu.

SAY NO TO INCEST, NO TO SEXUAL ABUSE!
#notoincest #notosexualabuse

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7 Comments

  1. M. T

    Ma dad raped me even if his wife was around any time he felt like,am still hunting to kill him,it pains and it still hurts..

    • Youth&Singles

      Hello, thanks for writing, I understand the experience can be very painful, so sorry that you have to pass through all that! don’t kill your dad! doing that will not resolve the issue, it will only complicate matters! follow the steps outlined in the article.. I will also be contacting you for further counseling. Its well with you, cheer up!

    • Youth&Singles

      I really feel your hurts, don’t kill him, it wont solve the problem! please send a mail to paul@youthandsingles.com so we can discuss in detail

  2. hannan hassan

    feeling pleased with the msg and adv ic e

  3. Raymonde H. Rocourt

    This is such a good article to read! Unfortunately, such realities exist today and these MEN pretend not being able to control themselves. What an excuse! MEN who behave as such should be sentenced and place in jail for the rest of their life.

  4. Margret Grandison

    So sad, mothers, mothers pay close attention n listen to your children

    • monicah

      Its very touching,I pass through such but no one come in for help am an adult and desperate,

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