Marriage is for men and women, but not for boys and girls. Without a doubt, one of the factors responsible for the breakdown of marriage institutions is immature people getting married.
This is like giving birth to a premature baby or an underage girl delivering a child. It is a heck of expenses and a high risk. Because marriage is a serious contract that involves hard work, it takes mature people to undertake it. Unlike the euphoria associated with the courtship and the wedding day, the real work begins when it remains the couple. It will, therefore, be a disaster if you realize after a marriage that you are married to a baby. Therefore, it is imperative while you are courting or dating to observe if your fiancé is a baby.
Since marriage requires problem-solving capacity that is beyond teenagers or babies, you must choose wisely the person you will live the rest of your life with. The natural order of life dictates you grow above certain behavior. But when the person you are dating can’t do away with such attitudes, despite his age, then the person is still a baby.
Signs of a baby fiancé(e)
Childish tendencies are associated with babies. Those who want to marry must be emotionally, physically, psychologically, physiologically, and financially balanced. Anything other than that will lead to a serious problem in the marriage, Thus, the followings are a few attributes of someone who want to marry, but not ripe for it.
- He / She can’t decide by himself. Naturally, babies depend on adults to make most decisions on their behalf. Something is not right if the person you are dating depends on his or her parents, you, or someone else to make decisions about his or her life. If he or she cannot decide the direction of his life, he is undecided on major issues, or not consistent in his statement. Such a man or a woman is not marriage material. Since your decision today eventually determines your place in the future, he or she must be bold to take decisions. If he or she can’t tell you in a clear term his or her academic, financial, marital, and personal goals, I am afraid you have no future with him. If, at every turn of life, he or she looks confused and lost, then he or she is still a baby.
- He / She is tied to his parents. Parents will always have their place and roles in the marriage of their children. But if your fiancé will barely make two statements before mentioning his parents, you are most likely courting trouble. It is a sign that your fiancé is a baby if he or she has to refer every decision about your relationship to his or her parents for ratification. If you often hear him, say, my mother said, my father may not like that, please let me find out from my mother, sorry, my mother doesn’t do it that way’ I think you should reconsider the relationship.
Some ways to know a person that is tied to the apron of his parents include how he spends his time, money, and resources with them. You are dating a toddler if you rarely have a say over issues that concern both of you and your future over that of his parents.
- He/ She is concerned only about the moment. Children are concerned about today and now. So if that person has no thought and plan for tomorrow, it is a sign you are dating a baby. These include planning to further your education, increase your source of income, owning your own house, car, and control the numbers of children you should have.
To such a person, eternity is not in his record. But if he has such an idea, it is in his reserved list. From his speech, he doesn’t talk about what happened after your time on earth. His way of life doesn’t reflect a person preparing for the kingdom of God. To him or her, God becomes secondary concerning his money, time, body, and resources. And he or she will drag you down if you continue with him or her.
- He/ She is too emotional. Anybody who is too emotional would hardly hold a marriage. Emotional people make irrational decisions but regret later. Such people break down in tears at the slightest challenge. Also, they spend money without thinking about the long time effect. Such people caved in the face of the basic challenges of life. Like I said earlier, marriage is for those who could solve problems. But such people throw a pity party when problems come their way. If your fiancé gets angry at every little issue and raises his voice at you every time you disagree, the success of your marriage is doubtful.
- He/ She is selfish. You know children are naturally selfish. They think only about themselves. Therefore, your fiancé is still a child if he or she talks about himself or herself always but rarely talks about you. A relationship that will stand the test of time should be such that involve concern for each other. In your dialogue, the word “we” must be more than “I.” Another area to observe is his spending pattern. If you are nowhere in his financial plan, I suggest you think twice before you continue the journey.
- He/ She doesn’t take or accept responsibility. Marriage involves two different people. With that, your uniqueness should be accommodated. However, a baby like-man or woman will be Mr or Mrs. Right. Such a person will be a perfectionist. With such a person, you seldom win a discussion. He or she will always find a reason why his or her decision is the right one. That person never takes responsibility for his or her mistake. He is a specialist at shifting blame. If you are not smart enough, you will be held responsible for anything and everything that goes wrong in the relationship.
- He / She can’t control his or her desire. A successful marriage requires you sometimes defer your pleasures to a later date. This allows you to plan better. Like children who eat anywhere, anyhow, and anytime, a toddler fiancé will buy things based on intuition. They can’t control their food intake, fashion desire, and social engagement. One of the signs your fiancé is a toddler is his or her desire for sex. If he or she is demanding a kiss, a hug, a peck, caressing, or sex, then you are in a wrong affair. As a child of God, sex is the exclusive right of the married. Just the way a child will demand things meant for the adult, a baby fiancé will demand sex as a mark of your love for him. And if you fall for that, you’ll become a cheap commodity.
Since marriage is a lifetime engagement, it requires you to look before you leap. This is because marrying a baby will make your marriage miserable.
So signs your fiancé is a baby is a guide to checkmate your relationship if you are moving with the right person. I should remind you; a broken courtship is better than a broken marriage. Having said that, you can back out now while you still have the opportunity to do so.
Written by Joseph Akinrinola
(Joseph Akinrinola is a pastor, teacher, author, freelance, and incurable learner. I share as I learn insightful ideas that make up a total being physically, spiritually, and emotionally especially, about young people.)
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