The issue of maintaining a truly platonic relationship with a friend who is of the opposite sex has been a major concern for young people.
You met a girl or a guy in your Youth Fellowship group or in your local church who probably was visiting for the first time and you get talking, both online and offline, she is such a good girl/guy with great personality, you really want to be close to the person as a good friend.
If you’ve decided not to play the dating game as a Christian and suspend romance till you are married (of course you should do that), the only logical thing to do is for the two of you to be friends with no string attached.
Lots of young people actually want to keep a plain, platonic relationship with members of the opposite sex, but often discovered that they have been crossing the line of true friendship into romance (consciously or unconsciously), sometimes they struggle not to show any sign of romance but suffered from internal conflicts of taming their sexual desires which make them masturbate sometimes at the thought of this special friend.
So the question is how do you maintain a pure, platonic relationship with an opposite sex friend without unnecessary touching, sexual desires or romance?
Always know that there is actually a thin line between just being friends and playing the dating game! (Read the article: 18 games singles play on this blog)
Running away out of fear from all members of the opposite sex or dating everyone that gets attracted to you are two dangerous extremes! So there must be a balance!
Where is the line between friendship and more than friendship? Sometimes the intention is just to be true friends with no defilement of your bodies but before you know it, things have gone wild and you are both in the romantic zone!
Joshua Harris offered some very vital remedies in his book “I kissed dating goodbye” (try and get a copy)
Do you become jealous when you see your “special” friend with another person? If your answer is yes, obviously the relationship is already more than just being friends into something else, because you can’t prevent your friends from getting more friends.
The following tips will help you maintain a clean and pure relationship with an opposite sex friend
- God expects us as young people to walk together as brothers and sisters with absolute purity (1 Timothy 5:2). Understand that God wants us to be pure in our relationship! As Christians we are members of the same family, 2 Timothy 2: 22 says ” Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart” God is calling us to biblical friendship, if the fear of God is in our hearts then we will be able to relate well with others, be it same sex or opposite sex.
- Do not take advantage of your closeness to your friend to seduce him/her into any dirty game or romantic pleasure! Doing that is sinful… flee from every appearance of evil. And do not engage your opposite sex friend, in sexually suggestive discussions or raising romantic topics for discussion, do not focus on her body especially her sexuality! Never tell her/him she/he is looking sexy! It will only lead in a wrong direction!
- Maintain Side by Side relationship: unlike dating relationship which is “face to Face” in which case the two people are focusing attentions on their bodies, looking eye to eye for romantic, intimacy reasons. A side to side friendship relationship, however, is two people, shoulder to shoulder facing the same direction with a common goal and vision, looking beyond themselves. So understanding the difference between friendship (side by side) and intimacy (face to face) will help maintain a clean relationship. Note that as soon as the two of you begin to shift attention from your common goal into the relationship itself, then it has gone beyond just been friends!
- Be Inclusive, not exclusive: Don’t always seek to be in lonely places, dark corners, with the opposite sex friend, try and include others in activities instead of isolating yourself with one person, learn to involve other friends and family members.
- Make a priority of same-sex friendship: your bosom friend should not be of the opposite sex, you can have them as close friends but not as closest friend (it may work for some, but often times the excessive closeness is abused).
- Seek opportunity to serve and not to be served or entertained: real friendship is not on what you can get from others but on how to serve others; in service we find true friendship, Romans 12: 10-11 says “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord”.
- Guard your heart: the bible says “guard your heart with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life”. Do not allow premature romance ruin your heart- the center of your destiny! The bible says the heart is deceitful above all things! If you are involved in a friendship that often leads you to sin, do not deceive yourself, stop the act and or cut the relationship, just a little sin can wreck your destiny. Remember those secret sins, secret lusts are all open scandals in heaven!
- Girls note this: never assume anything, ask questions when in doubt! As a girl avoid being alone with a male friend, stop going to his private room, many young girls have been raped/ gang raped, some have lost their lives as a result! Such news is everywhere, be wise! And do not allow any guy form a canopy over your life under the pretense of friendship! same goes for guys also ( please read the 18 games singles play for detail explanation)
- Finally, there is a friend who is closer than any friend, His name is Jesus, develop a relationship with him first. He is not just a friend; He is also the Savior of mankind! He is ever present and is willing to start a relationship with you, all you need to do is invite Him into your life, ask God to forgive you all your sins, repent of them and accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior! He said He stands at the door and knock, if anyone (including you) opens the door for Him, He will come in and dine with you! What a friend we have in Jesus
Say this simple prayer:
“Lord Jesus, I have seen myself as a sinner, I am sorry for all the things I have done wrong in my life (take a few moment to ask His forgiveness for anything particular that is on your conscience). Please forgive me and cleanse me with your blood.
Thank you that you died on the cross for me so that I could be forgiven and set free. I confess and accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior. Let all the works of darkness be destroyed in my life.
Thank you Lord, for accepting me as your child and for writing my name in the book of life. Thank you, Lord Jesus, Thank you, heavenly Father, in Jesus name I pray (amen)
If you have prayed this prayer wholeheartedly, I want to happily welcome you to God’s sweet family. As you have received forgiveness, you must forgive all those that has despitefully used and hurt you. The bible says forgive and you shall be forgiven!
“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new” 2 Cor. 5:17 (KJV)
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Read other articles on this blog:
He took off my underwear
I kissed Jezebel
My uncle had sex with me
How to attract the right guy
Once upon a valentine
Cynthia must die but Mercy said No
Pornography: the way out!
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That’s very true
It’s agood advice bt i was told that a girl child is not a sex material bt also human being as men,so hope no problem to be our friends
In every relationship it is essential it is well defined from the onset. The terms and condition must be well spelt. It is natural for ladies to believe you have interest once you are the caring type, affectionate and you give them attention.
This is really on point and essential for all youth to read through. More grace for greater exploit sir in Jesus name. Regards to the family
Is it really really possible to have an opposite sex as a blossom friend, especially singles?
There is this jealousy that arises in the heart when the friend is with someone else.
ever heard the saying, Care is a language even the devilish understands. show care, give attention to someone etc… you are en route a ‘woo-less’ relationship.
thanks for the piece sir.
this is needed for the RescueMission of this generation.
I believe it’s the right thing to do when you’re close with the opposite sex, try and define your relationship
I was once involved in dis situation while in sch. My female friend always wanted me around and w spent most of our time together, even my neighbor thought we were dating. It got to a stage that d lady in particular (opposite sex friend) never want me to pick any other lady’s call whenever am with her and when her BF too called she won’t pick it. The worst part of it was when I wanted to date her best friend she insisted that not in her lifetime will I date her friend that she can’t cope seeing me and her friend together. That was when I realized that opposite sex friend is very dangerous cos ladies general love guy that gives them attention.