Youth & Singles Blog

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Single, Saved & Sexual.– (Understanding the sex drive!)

ssspostYou remember what it was like. One day you were driving down destiny lane, so sincere and so naïve, and all of a sudden!  You hit puberty, wow!…….

Suddenly a whole new world appears before your eyes and you start feeling things ssspagepicthat seemed completely irrational, scary and exciting all at the same time, the inner struggle begins, the battle begin to rage in your body; you say to yourself am I still saved? Am I still a child of God? You remember how as a young Christian you have nailed the works of flesh to the cross and have surrendered your life completely to the Lordship of Jesus, yes you are saved, yes you are single, but now you’ve found another law warring in your body.

It was also weird and hard to understand- the attraction, the passion, the burning desire to be with the opposite sex, the desire to be together, and the raging sex drive! When our bodies start changing without our permission, a lot of body “chemistry” begins to take place as a result of chemical actions and reactions, you wake up early in the morning and you are sexually aroused, your sexual organs are becoming unnecessarily over sensitive! Your brains begin to send some funny interpretations of things you previously don’t pay attention to before now to your hearts, you start having thoughts and desires that you’ve never imagined before, suddenly you begin to feel lonely even in the midst of your siblings, something tells you, “you need a lover now”. It’s hard to really grasp what’s going on, much less to know how you’re supposed to feel about it all. Should you feel guilty or ashamed, or is it all normal?

The issue of sexuality is a powerful subject that we cannot ignore under the pretense that we are Christians! A lot of youths are actually struggling daily with this subject in their mind and so many have given in to pressures.

Someone said “the problem with life is that it is so daily”. Valloton said “true success lies in your ability to manage your inner life, the secret kingdom that lives within you. It is really impossible to control your behavior long-term unless you master your thoughts and subject them to the virtues that you have chosen to live by”

Among other drives God has endowed on us is the sex drive! The sex drive which makes us sexual beings was actually designed by God and installed in our body at conception and it has its proper place in our lives. Many saved singles feel that the sex drive is negative; therefore they attempt to suppress or ignore it.

Although the sex drive is good, it must be controlled which like anything else requires discipline. If we don’t control our passion for food of the “hunger drive” we will find ourselves overweight and obese, Esau could not controlled his hunger, he sold his birthright and lost his glory. In the same way if you don’t control the desire to spend money, you’ll become broke and soon be in financial disaster. If we don’t get the best of our sex drive, our sex drive will get the best of us.

The first thing we must realize is that God created sex as a wonderful gift to be enjoyed between a man and woman in marriage. He intended it to be an intimate expression of love exclusively between a husband and his wife. This protects people from the harmful consequences of illicit sex and provides an ideal environment for raising children.

Sex creates a powerful bond between the participants physically, emotionally and spiritually. When sex is removed from the commitment of marriage, it becomes lustful and addictive, or a sinful activity which opens the door to evil spirits and curses that could affect current and future generations.

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexual immoral”- Hebrews 13:4. “Now concerning the things which you wrote to me: it is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband” 1Cor:7:2 (NKJV). “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his own wife, and they will become one flesh”- Gen 2:24.

Going back to the subject of sexual drive, the sex drive is not a dirty word, nor is it sinful. It is a precious gift from God that must be dealt with in a serious matter. Just knowing that what we do secretly or in the dark can come back to hunt us, ought to give us a sense of responsibility in curtailing the sex drive.

The most important sexual organ is the MIND. The mind must be conditioned and developed to cooperate with your will. It takes discipline to deny one’s feeling. If feelings are submerged rather than dealt with, they will manifest themselves in an unexpected manner, so we must learn to deal with the issue of sexual drives as singles and young people otherwise you will see yourself misbehaving at the slightest temptation.

Your mind is the battlefield of your life, there the war for your destiny is fought. Your thoughts are the weapons of warfare, the raging taught of immorality and sex before marriage floods your mind and send signals to every department of your body causing incessant inner struggling and if not controlled eventually leads to you breaking your guards, losing your virtues!!!

If you submit your mind to these sexual fantasies that undermine your virtues and Christian values, soon a stronghold is built that protect the lies and makes you a sex slave! Sexual purity becomes an alien, your soul becomes captivated, immoral people will become your close pals and companions, true love will be replaced by lust, soon you’ll no longer understand the true meaning of love and the opposite sex now becomes a sex object, true and right relationship becomes an illusion!

You can always win the battle by seeing the opposite sex in the way God want you to see them, by understanding that love is of God and God is love, and that anything that has to do with lust is not of God. So lust should not be entertained in your mind! “casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalt itself against the knowledge of God and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ” 2Cor.10:5

If you truly love a lady why will you want to have sex with her before marriage, why will you as a lady defile your body simply because you want a guy to feel you really love him or just to fulfill your own lustful desires! Keep yourself pure is the divine injunction.

So understanding your sexual drive and subjecting it to discipline is the key for you to truly live in sexual purity as saved singles!

Ladies hear this: why on earth will you devalue yourself by allowing a guy that is not married to you yet begin to have sex with you or begin to “touch” you for his own sexual gratification or simply turn you to a sexual toy?

When a guy sleeps with you, you simply appear very cheap for him. Each time someone sleeps with you (a guy or girl), virtues are taking away from your life! The bible says “flee fornication”! Why will you sin against God, your future husband, your parents and your own body!

The fact that you are engaged in a marital relationship is not a license for sex or sexual immorality – why will you be used before your wedding day? If He truly loves you, he will wait for you! Sex is never a proof of love!

My dear, how long will you continue to abuse your body for sexual pleasures or because of meeting your needs! God is against sexual filthiness. Make up your mind today with the power of Christ that “no sex before marriage” and when you are married, “no sex outside marriage”.

Guys hear this: Many guys cannot see anything in skirt and blouse! The sight of a girl is already igniting “fire” in your bone. I heard of a guy who got so obsessed with girls that he goes as far as smelling ladies urine!

“The one who commits ADULTERY with a woman is lacking in understanding; he that does it DESTROYS HIS OWN SOUL.”- Proverbs 6:32. Any guy that has sexual immorality with a woman he’s not married to lacks understanding; he’s destroying his own soul. Be wise and stay away from all forms of sexual sin.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20, -“FLEE FORNICATION! Every SIN that a man doeth is without the body; but he hat commits FORNICATION SINS AGAINST HIS OWN BODY. WHAT! Know ye not that your body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are NOT YOUR OWN? For ye are BOUGHT WITH A PRICE; therefore glorify God in YOUR BODY, and in your spirit, WHICH ARE GOD’S.”

Notice how the Living Bible renders this passage:

“That is why I say to RUN FROM SEX SIN. No other SIN affects the body as this one does. When you SIN this SIN it is against your own body. Haven’t you yet learned that your body is the HOME OF THE HOLY SPIRIT God gave you, and that he lives within you? Your own body DOES NOT BELONG TO YOU. For God HAS BOUGHT YOU with a GREAT PRICE. (Blood of His own Son) So use every part of your body to give glory back to God, BECAUSE HE OWNS IT.”

God is calling every single to honor Him with their body! Your body is God’s sanctuary, it must be kept holy, therefore don’t allow sexual lust defile you. Any guy or lady that want to engage in sexual activities with you before you are married simply does not love you because “true love waits”


  • Sexual sin produces consequences that will affect us deeply. Viewing porn is a form of sex sin committed through lust and idolatry The consequences may not be easily absolved, but God will forgive you of your sin through repentance and faith in Jesus Christ.
  • Sex sin defiles your body and damages its ability to fulfill God’s purposes.   Our lack of respect for the body (and for God) damages our relationship with God.
  • Sex sin grieves God’s Spirit. Any sin we practice will grieve God’s Spirit (Ephesians 4:31). It puts out the “fire” of the Holy Spirit in our life (1 Thessalonians 5:19). The more we quench God’s Spirit, the less we will be inclined to live a changed life in righteousness.
  • Practicing sin forms a stronghold for evil in our lives. When we repeatedly sin, we give evil an increasingly protected place in our lives. The more we give in to our sinful lusts, the more they have control over us. Paul described this as slavery to sin in Romans 6:16. Sexual strongholds are particularly powerful, since they involve our body, soul and spirit. Thankfully, Jesus provided the means for us to break out of any stronghold and live for God in righteousness.
  • Sex sin can bring a curse on you, your partner and/or your children. Sex sin gives Satan a right to oppress us and our descendants through curses
  • Sex sin can give evil spirits footholds to influence your life.
  • Sex sin can bring spiritual confusion. Spiritual confusion begins when we start pursuing the pleasures of sin and disregard our conscience of right and wrong. The more we pursue sin, the more our conscience becomes dulled (1 Timothy 4:2, Titus 1:15). A dull conscience causes us to be susceptible to enemy’s lies which will draw us progressively further from God (James 1:14). Eventually we may not even think our actions are sinful and our ability to repent can be hindered (Hebrews 6:1-8). Two examples of sex-related spiritual confusion are found in Romans and 1 Kings. The people in Romans 1:24-32 sinned through sexual immorality and idolatry and were filled with all kinds of evil.   1 Kings 11 illustrates how Solomon, the wisest person that ever lived, descended into spiritual confusion through sexual idolatry with his pagan wives.
  • Sex sin can cause emotional confusion. Sex creates emotional bonds (“soul ties”) with our sex partner. These bonds will vary in strength depending on the relationship. God intended this emotional bond for marriage partners. When we bond with people other than our spouse through sex, emotional confusion results.   This confusion can manifest in many ways. Here are some examples: Recurring dreams and/or thoughts about former lovers Inability to achieve emotional intimacy with spouse Regret or bitterness toward people who hurt us in past relationships, comparing our spouse with former lovers in sexual performance. Distorted understanding of true love (corrupted by lust or other selfishness) can hold us back from experiencing true intimacy with our spouse and God.
  • Sex sin causes lasting memories. Sex memories are created in our brains with the help of special hormones released during sexual arousal. The devil uses these memories to condemn us and keep us in bondage to lust.   These memories can cause difficulties in our sexual relationship with our spouse. Here are some examples: Our sexual experiences with our spouse are corrupted by thoughts of our former lovers or porn images we’ve viewed We idolize past sexual partners…especially when we run into difficulties in our marriage We feel less satisfied with our spouse’s sexual performance Our minds are conditioned to gratify our lusts through sex instead of showing true love and affection We get angry and resentful when our spouse won’t help us relive past sexual experiences or perform sex acts we’ve seen in porn Thankfully, when we follow Jesus Christ, we receive power to overcome the memories, purify our minds and regain control of our thought-life.
  • Sex sin can produce unloved or unwanted children. Sexual sin has helped devalue human life such that human babies are discarded as rubbish on an altar of convenience, pleasure and rebellion (40 million aborted since the 1960’s). Children born through sex sin may grow up in homes where a loving father and/or mother are absent. Their brokenness will likely be echoed through the sexual choices they make down the road, impacting generations to come.
  • Sex sin can expose us to sexually transmitted disease. Porn’s sexual fantasies do not portray the reality that sexually transmitted diseases often accompany a life of promiscuity. There are many different kinds of sexually transmitted diseases, most of which bring unpleasant symptoms. The worst of these diseases, AIDS, can cause death. Romans 1:27 contains a possible reference to AIDS.
  • Sex sin can lead to an unbridled pursuit of lust and perversion. Sex sin usually feeds a growing fire of lust in our minds. If we continue to feed that fire, we can easily drift further and further into decadence. Paul described this state as indulgence in every kind of impurity, with continual lust for more (Ephesians 4:19, Romans 1:24-28).

If you have already reaped these consequences, there is hope for recovery through Jesus. Though every consequence may not be completely removed, God can help you make the best of your circumstances, and get back on track in a life of sexual purity filled with happiness and blessing.


Sometimes as a single person you’ve made up your mind to remain a virgin (as a guy or girl). But you often have the sexual pressures or arousal and uncontrollable emotions and you feel like letting out the pressure. A lot of young people end up in MASTURBATION. Stimulating their private parts and sexually sensitive parts all alone in order to satisfy their sexual desires.

Masturbation is not a way out of dealing with sexual drives.


The first way out of sexual immorality is to become born again (confessing your sins and accepting Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and savior), because you need a power that can keep you from sinning. The human will cannot achieve it. But even at that you have the responsibility to stay sexually pure, you must destroy the works of flesh in your life and uproot every root of sin. The power of the HOLY SPIRIT in Sanctification and baptism is very key in staying pure.

The following additional tips will help you overcome the pressures of sexual immorality.

  1. Get busy: an idle mind they say is the devil’s workshop. Don’t spend your time idle. Engage in meaningful activities like reading academics books, Christian literature, bible etc.
  2. Don’t focus on sexual parts of the opposite sex. Discipline your eyes. One look can be accidental but consistent look can never be accidental. Take your eyes away from sexually explicit materials like pornography in books, adverts, TV, Internet, etc.
  3. Don’t read books or watch films that can arouse your sexual emotions.
  4. Don’t engage in phone sex etc.
  5. Always get your heart filled with positive things, face your career/business growth and self development.
  6. Get involved in Christian/church activities. Be busy for God and sin will not have dominion over you.
  7. Always pray and rebuke every evil thought.
  8. Stop all forms of sexual imaginations, it easily translates into dreams and dreams can easily translate into reality. Be wise!
  9. Make a vow to God never to defile your body. A man of God once said the devil told him while he was still single that he’s going to fall into fornication with his fiancée and he said he prayed and made a vow that God should strike him with leprosy if he ever falls into it. That’s more than mere determination to abstain from sexual sin!
  10. Have the Understanding that God hates and is against sexual immorality, that understanding alone is enough to keep you pure as a child of God.

If you have read this article and you don’t have a relationship yet with Jesus, this is a golden opportunity for you to do so, because, Jesus will not only forgive you, He will also cleanse you from all filthiness and present you to the father as a sinless person (That’s the power of the cross), more so, He will give you the ability to overcome sin through the power of the Holy Spirit…all you need to do is accept Him as your personal Lord and Savior.

Say this simple prayer:

Lord Jesus Christ,
I am sorry for the things I have done in my life ( take a few moments to ask His forgiveness for anything particular that is on your conscience)
Please forgive me. I now turn from everything that I know is wrong.
Thank you that you died on the cross for me so that I could be forgiven and set free.
Thank you that you offer me forgiveness and the gift of Your Spirit, I now receive that gift.
Please come into my life by your Holy Spirit, to be with me forever.
Thank you, Lord Jesus. Amen.

Congratulations! Welcome to God’s Sweet Family… let’s hear your testimony! … read other articles on this blog! and always come back for more!

I’m your friend,
Paul Ojomu.
You can connect with me directly on Facebook  for a chat…

Read other articles on this blog:

18 games singles play
100 Answers for Singles
He took off my underwear
I kissed Jezebel
My uncle had sex with me
Once upon a valentine
Cynthia must die but Mercy said No
Pornography: the way out!

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1.       Moral Revolution; The naked truth about sexual revolution. Book by: Kris Vallotton & Jason Vallotton.
2.      Soul 2 Soul Book by: John Smith Jr.
Alpha International book: Why am I here?
4.      Holy Bible: New International Version.


I Kissed JEZEBEL (for guys)


He Took Off My Underwear! (girls only)

1 Comment

  1. ben

    this article is so helpful
    I thank God guided me to this site
    because I was already entangled to this Masturbation thing, I now have a reason to dedicate my life to Jesus

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